Well, let’s cut to the chase: the new Friday the 13^th fucking sucked. Plain and simple it was shitty. Now it’s not like I was expecting some Oscar winning flick or anything – it’s a slasher flick after all – but it baffles my mind how they can get something so fucking simple so fucking wrong. I feel offended and saddened.

All you have to do is put together a loose plot that brings a handful of kids to Camp Crystal Lake and kill them off one at a time with some interesting and brutal death scenes. It’s really not too tall of an order.

So, first thing that blew was the fact that all but one of the characters were loathsome. All the dudes were either retarded stoners or frat guys… or both. The girls were all dumb and stupid. Ya, folks that aren’t fans of the horror genre will pretty much trumpet that “that’s how all that shit is”. But whatever… that’s not always the case. One of the guys was straight out of a Harold and Kumar part 4. Pretty lame.

Even in the original, 80’s slasher movies the kids weren’t this retarded… and ever since Scream the bar has been raised pretty high. The Chainsaw and Halloween remakes did a good job at modernizing their stories and characters but this piece of shit fell way short.

OK – so, the characters were retarded but there’s still a lot of other stuff that make up a Jason movie… the death scenes. Again we were let down. The death scenes were kindof fast and not gory at all. Tho he did hang a chick above a campfire and burn her which was kinda cool. Otherwise it was more or less a quick jab w/ a sharp object. Snooze.

Now, all of a sudden Jason runs and he’s fast and agile n shit. Huh? Where’d that come from. It’s not a bad idea but the execution was piss poor. They lost the essence of a Jason flick. The stalking aspect was gone… someone would turn around and boom, he’s there… and you’re dead. Even the “voice” that we’ve all emulated since we were kids was all but missing. I think I noticed it once.

I was honestly excited when I saw him run and chop someone in the trailer but with a bunch of other missing elements that made Jason Jason it just fucked the whole thing up. Between that, the boring death scenes and the shitty characters the whole thing was a giant let down.

Eh. I dunno. I mean, the other remakes have been good. I was just hoping the Friday the 13^th remake would have followed in Rob Zombie’s Halloween’s footsteps. I blame Michael Bay. He should stay the fuck away from horror movies and go do Rambo 15 instead.

Unfortunately Michael Bay’s company will be redoing A Nightmare on Elm Street soon. Odds are he’ll fuck that one in the anus as well. Rumor is Robert Englund’s not gonna be playing Freddy which is pretty much blasphemy.

The next remake to come out is Last House on the Left. We’ll see how that one turns out. Can’t be worse than this

They’ve recently remade a bunch of horror flicks: The Hills Have Eyes, Texas Chainsaw Massacre & Halloween being the big ones. Well, looks like there’s a couple more to look forward to:

Friday the 13^th

Yup, looks like Jason’s back. This is obviously awesome! Jason’s pretty iconic and it’s gonna be pretty interesting to see how they modernize him. He looks pretty agile in the trailer; there’s a pretty wicked running, machete chop towards the end.

This one’s directed by the same dude who directed the Chainsaw remake and is produced by Sean Cunningham (who produced the orginal)… that sounds promising.

Maybe even more exciting is that they’re re-doing The Last House on the Left. The original was pretty fucked up! The original was written & directed by Wes Craven and produced by Sean S. Cunningham. Cunningham’s back & Craven’s joining him as a producer but he’s not writing nor directing this one.

We’ll see how this turns out. This won’t be as straight-forward to get entertainment value out of as remaking Friday the 13^th: As long as a Friday movie gets a few cool death scenes and 1/2 decent acting you’re pretty much home free. But the original of this flick was really just fucked up & disturbing. Capturing that vibe’s the key here.

The original was just dirty. Kindof a bummer of a flick… it’s all heavy and 100% possible which is why it’s so fucked up. You can tell from the trailer that a few plot points have been altered… It’ll be interesting to see what they do.

My Bloody Valentine 3D

Yup, the My Bloody Valentine remake’s gonna be in 3D. That’s pretty awesome… I’m sold.

As soon as I found out the Apple TV update was live I decided that I was gonna have to stop by the Apple Store and pick one up. So I bought one, set it up and now that a couple weeks have gone by I thought I’d write a little review.

OK, why did I want one? Well, lemme tell ya…

1. Movie rentals: Its nice & convenient. I watch a ton of movies and being able to rent one on a whim, without leaving the house, sounds pretty sweet.
2. YouTube integration: I play guitar and watch a lot of how-to type videos. I figured watching these on my TV would be better than on my laptop. Plus the speakers on the laptop kinda suck…
3. Music streaming: My TV is connected to a little home theater thing. Its not the best but the sound is way better than any of my alternatives (computer speakers, TV speakers etc). I was stoked at the idea of having my iTunes library play through a decent system (ya i know about AirPort).

So how did the Apple TV fair in light of my goals & expectations? Pretty damn well! But, it’s not perfect.

First off lets talk about the movie rentals:

The rental flow is super easy. Having previews available for their entire inventory is great as well. I’ve rented 3 movies in about 2 weeks and the experience was pretty simple. Once you rent a video it starts downloading and the AppleTV lets you know when it’s ready to watch. The quality of the rentals is just fine. I haven’t rented anything in HD yet but the standard stuff I’ve rented looks just fine.

One thing that would be nice would be a “flag” function. I check a bunch of previews before I rent anything and a bunch of ‘em look good enough to watch. Flagging ‘em or adding ‘em to some sort of list (favorites, queue etc) would be nice. I also don’t see any way to rate how much I liked what I just watched. Some Netflix style rating would be cool to power their yet nonexistent recommendations.

The whole thing’s pretty new but at the same time you can’t help but notice the inventory isn’t too vast. The documentary section had only 3 films the last time I checked (2/23/08). I’m sure they’ll have a bunch more stuff soon. Even though you can’t choose from an endless supply movies they still have enough to make it worthwhile.

So, all in all, even though it’s not perfect, the rentals are a great feature and I’m a fan.

The Youtube integration is fun as well. The quality of some of the videos does suck… especially when they’re scaled to fit the TV. Essentially you should expect the quality to be the same as when you watch a video at fullscreen on youtube.com. The entertainment factor is totally there though. I’ve browsed for and watched a ton of music videos, live performances and random funny clips. It’s a good party trick. A few friends and I have hung out and killed a bunch of time watching BS Youtube clips.

The photo integration is pretty useless to me. The flickr integration is alright. I have more gripes for this feature than any other:

1. As far as I can tell the “next” button doesn’t flip to the next image.
2. The transitions are annoying. You can change them but hopping through the menus to get to those settings and back is annoying.
3. The Apple TV doesn’t seem to be able to pull photos from iPhoto’s Events. From the little bit of poking around I did it seemed to only pull from Albums.

OK. That’s all I remember with the photo stuff. I really don’t care about this feature.

The music streaming is just fine. You can sync songs from your iTunes library to the Apple TV or you can set it up so that it streams without having to sync. I haven’t messed with this feature too much but I’m wondering if it has playlist support and whether the shuffle function supports album, artist and song. I should have checked this out before writing this review but eh… my bad.

I’ve never been a podcast fan but now I’m kinda digging them. The audio podcasts don’t much hold my attention but I have checked out a handful of the video podcasts and they’ve been cool. I particularly dig the podcasts from TV stations (ESPN etc). The ESPN podcast had the winning runs from the Winter X Games which was pretty cool. Like I said; I’ve never cared much about podcasts but now they’ve become a decent way to kill time.

All in all I think the Apple TV is worth the $229 price tag. I’m getting enough value to justify the cost. Is it perfect? No. But it works and does what it says its gonna do. Currently I find the rentals to be the best part of the product. Once the inventory grows it will be that much better… hopefully they’ll tack on search (by actor/actress – maybe pivot search) and some recommendations soon to ground out the rough edges.

It’s a cool gizmo… I’ll give it a solid B for now and hopefully some updates will be on the way to drag that grade up a notch.

Woot!

Have you guys seen The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters? This documentary is easily one of the best movies I have seen in the last year or two. It’s about 2 guys competing to set the world record for the high score in Donkey Kong. The plot may sound stupid but I promise this movie is amazing. Go rent or buy it now!!!

So in the movie they mention the fact that most Donkey Kong players never get past the “Third Elevators” stage. A bit of background here: In the game you play 4 different boards: the barrel stage, the elevators stage, the pie factory then the rivet stage. If you beat the rivet stage the game repeats itself and you’re now on level 2. So, the when you get to the elevators stage for the third time that board is known as “Third Elevators”. It looks like this:

… it makes Braveheart look like Disneyland!

That’s a quote from my buddy, Adam, who just saw Rambo. He went on and on about how “brutal” and violent the movie was. He topped off his rant with yet another priceless quote:

Stalone is fuckin’ insane! He’s 61 and he’s still pissed! Him and Mel Gibson should get together and go to therapy.

Hmmm, maybe I should go check it out.